May Feature: Parent Guide for Limit Setting

Structure and limits make your teen feel safe and help foster socialization and trust. The rules precede the game. Explain them specifically and often.
Eliminate drama by being consistent with limit setting. Give notice and warnings.
Tell your teen when behavior is acceptable or unacceptable rather than saying that your teen is “good” or “bad”. Correct the child’s behavior, not the child.
Talk to your teen in advance about the behavior you would like to see instead of the behavior you don’t. Reinforce the positive.
Identify your teen’s strengths. Acknowledge and compliment your teen’s efforts.
Natural consequences are natural limits that you do not have to interfere with. Backpack forgotten at home? Assignments will not be turned in for grading. Consequences change behavior. Punishment suppresses it and creates bad feelings, negativity and opposition.
Give choices. You can either watch TV or play on the computer after your homework is done.

Let them earn rewards and privileges by completing responsibilities, earning grades, and putting in effort. Allowances need to be linked to responsibilities and respect.
Isolate teachable moments in order to convey important messages, rather than lecturing.
Monitor your teen’s friends, location and free time. Be aware of what kind of supervision is present.
Initiate quality time with your teen. Communicate your interest in your child’s thoughts and feelings.
Teach your teen by what you do. Be aware of how you handle your feelings of stress, frustration, and anxiety. You are a role model. Your teen is watching and learning from you.
Support each other! Talk to other parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors. Get help when you are struggling with parenting.

Richard B. Cohen LMFT, MAC, CCBT, CDVC